NEW YORK — A man who claims to have abducted and strangled Etan Patz, who vanished 33 years ago Friday, has suffered from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and hallucinations, his attorney said as the man had his first court appearance since making his surprise confession a day earlier. Pedro Hernandez, 51, did not enter a plea to a second-degree murder charge filed earlier Friday. He also did not speak during a hearing that lasted just a few minutes. As his court-appointed attorney, Harvey Fishbein, outlined what he called Hernandez's "long psychiatric history," Hernandez sat slumped in a chair, clad in an orange jumpsuit, his hands manacled behind his back. Hernandez has been held at New York's Bellevue Hospital because of his apparent mental instability, and he and Fishbein appeared via a video linkup to a Manhattan courtroom shortly after Manhattan Dist. Atty. Cyrus Vance Jr. announced the charges. "This is the beginning of the legal process, not the end," Vance said in a statement that reflected the challenges of prosecuting a case in which there is no body, no physical evidence linking Hernandez to the crime, and a defendant with an apparent history of mental illness. "There is much investigative and other work ahead." Even though Hernandez says he committed the murder, his motive remains unclear. Patz's parents and at least one investigator became convinced years ago that a convicted pedophile serving time on an unrelated charge was the culprit. In 2004, a civil court ruled the man, Jose Ramos, responsible for Etan's death. Ramos denied involvement. Hernandez was not asked to enter a plea, and Judge Matthew Sciarrino Jr. ordered a psychiatric examination for him. Assistant Dist. Atty. Armand Durastanti also said no bail should be considered, and none was requested. "It has been 33 years and justice has not yet been done in this case," Durastanti said, noting the haste with which Etan's life was ended on May 25, 1979, as he made the short walk from his Manhattan apartment to his school bus stop. "This is approximately 110 yards. He has not been seen or heard from since." The hearing coincided withNational Missing Children's Day, which President Reagan proclaimed in 1983 in honor of Etan. He was the first child to have his picture appear on a milk carton, part of the nationwide awareness movement that ensured his face would be familiar to anyone buying milk. His disappearance — on the first day his parents, Stan and Julie Patz, had let him walk to the school bus alone — also is seen as marking the end of an era when it was not unusual for young children to walk to school or go out to play without parents by their sides. For decades, the case haunted the street in the now-trendy SoHo neighborhood where Etan's parents, Stan and Julie Patz, still live. Neither parent has spoken out about Hernandez's sudden confession, which came a month after the FBI and New York police dug up the basement of a nearby building in search of Etan's remains. None was found. But the renewed publicity about the case from that dig apparently nudged someone close to Hernandez to tip police that he might be involved in Etan's disappearance. At the time the boy vanished, Hernandez was an 18-year-old stock clerk at a corner grocery store near the Patz home. He moved to New Jersey shortly after Etan vanished, and he had told some people over the years that he had "done a bad thing and killed a child in New York," New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said in announcing Hernandez's arrest on Thursday. Kelly said Hernandez was brought in for questioning on Wednesday and told police he had lured Etan into the store with promises of a soda, taken him into the basement, strangled him, and put the body into an alley with the trash. The body never was found, and Kelly said he didn't expect to find any physical evidence to corroborate Hernandez's confession. But he said Hernandez was able to provide enough details of the crime to convince police he was telling the truth. Neither the Patz family nor Hernandez's appeared at the Friday court hearing, and Hernandez's wife has not commented on her husband's arrest. According to the Associated Press, the Rev. George Bowen Jr., the pastor at Hernandez's church, said that Hernandez's wife and daughter visited him Thursday after he was in custody. "They were just crying their eyes out," AP quoted Bowen as saying. "They were broken up. They were wrecked. It was horrible. They didn't know what they were going to do."
GREENSBORO, N.C. — The federal judge in the John Edwards trial closed her courtroom Friday afternoon to deal with what she called a "juror matter," and then sent the jury home for the Memorial Day weekend with no verdict reached. U.S. District Court Judge Catherine Eagles did not disclose what she and lawyers for both sides discussed during the 35 minutes the courtroom was closed to reporters and spectators. Jurors will return for a seventh day of deliberations Tuesday morning. Before deliberations began on May 18, the jury foreman, a financial consultant, told the judge that he might have an upcoming scheduling conflict. On Friday, Eagles told lawyers for both sides to arrive early Tuesday in case she needs to discuss a juror matter with them. As she does at the close of each session, Eagles reminded jurors not to discuss the case with anyone — even fellow jurors — outside the jury room, and to avoid all media reports about the trial. The jury of eight men and four women must decide whether $925,000 in payments from two wealthy patrons were illegal campaign contributions during Edwards' failed race for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. Edwards contends the payments were private gifts not directly related to the campaign. After a sixth day of deliberations, it was not possible to determine whether the jury was divided over guilt versus acquittal, or merely being thorough and meticulous. The longer deliberations drag on, the greater the likelihood of a split verdict or, if disagreements cannot be resolved, a hung jury. Jurors have asked to review more than 60 trial exhibits focusing on payments made to hide Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter, whom he had hired as a campaign videographer. The jury has met for about 34 hours over six days, after having listened to 31 witnesses and examined hundreds of exhibits during the monthlong trial. Jurors troop in and out of the wood-paneled courtroom a couple of times a day, a collection of ordinary citizens in jeans, slacks and summer dresses. Some looked weary Friday. Others appeared restless. The faces of one or two jurors suggested mild annoyance. Edwards, 58, unfailingly neat and trim in a dark suit, has studied jurors closely during their brief courtroom appearances over the past week, appraising their demeanor from his regular seat at the defense table. The former U.S. senator and 2004 Democratic vice presidential nominee is charged with six counts of accepting illegal campaign contributions. He faces up to 30 years in prison and $1.5 million in fines if convicted and sentenced to maximum penalties. Jurors' requests for exhibits this week indicate they have plowed through the first two counts, which involve $725,000 in checks from billionaire heiress Rachel "Bunny" Mellon, an ardent Edwards supporter. Jurors now appear to be finishing up deliberations over the next two counts, involving payments from the late Fred Baron, a wealthy Texas lawyer who was Edwards' national finance chairman. Prosecutors say Edwards orchestrated the payments to cover up the affair and prevent his campaign from collapsing in scandal. The defense says the payments were intended to hide the affair from Edwards' wife, Elizabeth Edwards, who had grown increasingly suspicious of her husband. The other two counts against Edwards accuse him of causing his campaign to file false finance reports and conspiring to accept and conceal illegal contributions through "trick, scheme or device." The jurors must reach a unanimous decision on each count to convict. Eagles has instructed them that prosecutors don't have to prove that the sole purpose of the payments was to influence the election — only that there was a "real purpose or an intended purpose" to do so. However, Eagles also told the jurors: "If the donor would have made the gift or payment notwithstanding the election, it does not become a contribution merely because the gift or payment might have some impact on the election." david.zucchino@latimes.com
NEW YORK — A man who claims to have abducted and strangled Etan Patz, who vanished 33 years ago Friday, has suffered from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and hallucinations, his attorney said as the man had his first court appearance since making his surprise confession a day earlier. Pedro Hernandez, 51, did not enter a plea to a second-degree murder charge filed earlier Friday. He also did not speak during a hearing that lasted just a few minutes. As his court-appointed attorney, Harvey Fishbein, outlined what he called Hernandez's "long psychiatric history," Hernandez sat slumped in a chair, clad in an orange jumpsuit, his hands manacled behind his back. Hernandez has been held at New York's Bellevue Hospital because of his apparent mental instability, and he and Fishbein appeared via a video linkup to a Manhattan courtroom shortly after Manhattan Dist. Atty. Cyrus Vance Jr. announced the charges. "This is the beginning of the legal process, not the end," Vance said in a statement that reflected the challenges of prosecuting a case in which there is no body, no physical evidence linking Hernandez to the crime, and a defendant with an apparent history of mental illness. "There is much investigative and other work ahead." Even though Hernandez says he committed the murder, his motive remains unclear. Patz's parents and at least one investigator became convinced years ago that a convicted pedophile serving time on an unrelated charge was the culprit. In 2004, a civil court ruled the man, Jose Ramos, responsible for Etan's death. Ramos denied involvement. Hernandez was not asked to enter a plea, and Judge Matthew Sciarrino Jr. ordered a psychiatric examination for him. Assistant Dist. Atty. Armand Durastanti also said no bail should be considered, and none was requested. "It has been 33 years and justice has not yet been done in this case," Durastanti said, noting the haste with which Etan's life was ended on May 25, 1979, as he made the short walk from his Manhattan apartment to his school bus stop. "This is approximately 110 yards. He has not been seen or heard from since." The hearing coincided withNational Missing Children's Day, which President Reagan proclaimed in 1983 in honor of Etan. He was the first child to have his picture appear on a milk carton, part of the nationwide awareness movement that ensured his face would be familiar to anyone buying milk. His disappearance — on the first day his parents, Stan and Julie Patz, had let him walk to the school bus alone — also is seen as marking the end of an era when it was not unusual for young children to walk to school or go out to play without parents by their sides. For decades, the case haunted the street in the now-trendy SoHo neighborhood where Etan's parents, Stan and Julie Patz, still live. Neither parent has spoken out about Hernandez's sudden confession, which came a month after the FBI and New York police dug up the basement of a nearby building in search of Etan's remains. None was found. But the renewed publicity about the case from that dig apparently nudged someone close to Hernandez to tip police that he might be involved in Etan's disappearance. At the time the boy vanished, Hernandez was an 18-year-old stock clerk at a corner grocery store near the Patz home. He moved to New Jersey shortly after Etan vanished, and he had told some people over the years that he had "done a bad thing and killed a child in New York," New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said in announcing Hernandez's arrest on Thursday. Kelly said Hernandez was brought in for questioning on Wednesday and told police he had lured Etan into the store with promises of a soda, taken him into the basement, strangled him, and put the body into an alley with the trash. The body never was found, and Kelly said he didn't expect to find any physical evidence to corroborate Hernandez's confession. But he said Hernandez was able to provide enough details of the crime to convince police he was telling the truth. Neither the Patz family nor Hernandez's appeared at the Friday court hearing, and Hernandez's wife has not commented on her husband's arrest. According to the Associated Press, the Rev. George Bowen Jr., the pastor at Hernandez's church, said that Hernandez's wife and daughter visited him Thursday after he was in custody. "They were just crying their eyes out," AP quoted Bowen as saying. "They were broken up. They were wrecked. It was horrible. They didn't know what they were going to do."
ISTANBUL (AP) -- An Israeli who rescued a distressed climber on Mount Everest instead of pushing onward to the summit said Friday that the man he helped, an American of Turkish origin, is like a brother to him. Nadav Ben-Yehuda, who was climbing with a Sherpa guide, came across Aydin Irmak near the summit last weekend. In that chaotic period, four climbers died on their way down from the summit amid a traffic jam of more than 200 people who were rushing to reach the world's highest peak as the weather deteriorated. In a telephone interview with The Associated Press, Ben-Yehuda, 24, appeared proud that Irmak, 46, had made it to the summit, noting that he is one of a small number of "Turkish" climbers to reach the top. Irmak left Turkey for New York more than two decades ago, but remains proud of his Turkish heritage. The friendship stands in contrast to the political tension between Turkey and Israel, which were once firm allies. "Aydin, wake up! Wake up!" Ben-Yehuda recalled saying when he found his friend in the darkness. The American, he said, had been returning from the summit but collapsed in the extreme conditions, without an oxygen supply, a flashlight and a rucksack. Ben-Yehuda, who developed a friendship with Irmak before the climb, had delayed his own ascent by a day in hopes of avoiding the bottleneck of climbers heading for the top. There have been periodic tales of people bypassing stricken climbers as they seek to fulfill a lifelong dream and reach the summit of Everest, but Ben-Yehuda said his decision to abandon his goal of reaching the top and help Irmak was "automatic," even though it took him several minutes to recognize his pale, gaunt friend. "I just told myself, `This is crazy.' It just blew my mind," Ben-Yehuda said. "I didn't realize he was up there the whole time. Everybody thought he had already descended." The Israeli carried Irmak for hours to a camp at lower elevation. Both suffered frostbite and some of their fingers were at risk of amputation. Ben-Yehuda lost 20 kilograms (44 pounds) in his time on the mountain, and Irmak lost 12 kilograms (26 pounds), said Hanan Goder, Israel's ambassador in Nepal. Goder had dinner with the pair after their ordeal. "They really have to recover mentally and physically," Goder said. "They call each other, `my brother.' After the event that they had together, their souls are really linked together now." The ambassador said the rescue was a "humanitarian" tale that highlighted the friendship between Israelis and Turks at a personal level, despite the deteriorating relationship between their governments. One of the key events in that downward, diplomatic spiral was an Israeli raid in 2010 on a Turkish aid ship that was trying to break the Israeli blockade on Gaza, which resulted in the deaths of eight Turkish activists and a Turkish-American. The Jerusalem Post, which reported that Ben-Yehuda would have been the youngest Israeli to reach Everest's summit, spoke to Irmak by telephone during the dinner that Goder hosted. "I don't know what the hell is going on between the two countries," the newspaper quoted Irmak as saying. "I don't care about that. I talked to his (Ben-Yehuda's) family today and I told them you have another family in Turkey and America." Ben-Yehuda, who spoke to the AP just before leaving Nepal for urgent medical treatment in Israel, said he could not say with certainty how he would have reacted if he had come across a stricken climber he did not know. Oxygen is in such short supply and the conditions are so harsh, he said, that people on the mountain develop a kind of tunnel vision. "You just think about breathing, about walking, about climbing," he said. According to Ben-Yehuda, the fundamental questions going through the mind of a climber heading for the peak are: "Are you going to make it?" and "When is the right time to turn back?" And once a climber begins the descent, the all-embracing question becomes: "How fast can I go down?" Ben-Yehuda said his military training in Israel helped shape his reflexive dec
GREENSBORO, N.C. — The federal judge in the John Edwards trial closed her courtroom Friday afternoon to deal with what she called a "juror matter," and then sent the jury home for the Memorial Day weekend with no verdict reached. U.S. District Court Judge Catherine Eagles did not disclose what she and lawyers for both sides discussed during the 35 minutes the courtroom was closed to reporters and spectators. Jurors will return for a seventh day of deliberations Tuesday morning. Before deliberations began on May 18, the jury foreman, a financial consultant, told the judge that he might have an upcoming scheduling conflict. On Friday, Eagles told lawyers for both sides to arrive early Tuesday in case she needs to discuss a juror matter with them. As she does at the close of each session, Eagles reminded jurors not to discuss the case with anyone — even fellow jurors — outside the jury room, and to avoid all media reports about the trial. The jury of eight men and four women must decide whether $925,000 in payments from two wealthy patrons were illegal campaign contributions during Edwards' failed race for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. Edwards contends the payments were private gifts not directly related to the campaign. After a sixth day of deliberations, it was not possible to determine whether the jury was divided over guilt versus acquittal, or merely being thorough and meticulous. The longer deliberations drag on, the greater the likelihood of a split verdict or, if disagreements cannot be resolved, a hung jury. Jurors have asked to review more than 60 trial exhibits focusing on payments made to hide Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter, whom he had hired as a campaign videographer. The jury has met for about 34 hours over six days, after having listened to 31 witnesses and examined hundreds of exhibits during the monthlong trial. Jurors troop in and out of the wood-paneled courtroom a couple of times a day, a collection of ordinary citizens in jeans, slacks and summer dresses. Some looked weary Friday. Others appeared restless. The faces of one or two jurors suggested mild annoyance. Edwards, 58, unfailingly neat and trim in a dark suit, has studied jurors closely during their brief courtroom appearances over the past week, appraising their demeanor from his regular seat at the defense table. The former U.S. senator and 2004 Democratic vice presidential nominee is charged with six counts of accepting illegal campaign contributions. He faces up to 30 years in prison and $1.5 million in fines if convicted and sentenced to maximum penalties. Jurors' requests for exhibits this week indicate they have plowed through the first two counts, which involve $725,000 in checks from billionaire heiress Rachel "Bunny" Mellon, an ardent Edwards supporter. Jurors now appear to be finishing up deliberations over the next two counts, involving payments from the late Fred Baron, a wealthy Texas lawyer who was Edwards' national finance chairman. Prosecutors say Edwards orchestrated the payments to cover up the affair and prevent his campaign from collapsing in scandal. The defense says the payments were intended to hide the affair from Edwards' wife, Elizabeth Edwards, who had grown increasingly suspicious of her husband. The other two counts against Edwards accuse him of causing his campaign to file false finance reports and conspiring to accept and conceal illegal contributions through "trick, scheme or device." The jurors must reach a unanimous decision on each count to convict. Eagles has instructed them that prosecutors don't have to prove that the sole purpose of the payments was to influence the election — only that there was a "real purpose or an intended purpose" to do so. However, Eagles also told the jurors: "If the donor would have made the gift or payment notwithstanding the election, it does not become a contribution merely because the gift or payment might have some impact on the election." david.zucchino@latimes.com
At what point does the zeal of youthful idealism wear off? In Simon Gray's play The Common Pursuit, now in a rather prosaic revival by the Roundabout Theatre Company, it erodes slowly over time until dreams become a distant mirage and betrayals, professional and personal, turn the erosion into a landslide. For the sextet of Cambridge students - five young men and the girlfriend of one - who set out to start a new literary magazine in the 1960's, the years take an exceptionally heavy toll. Compromise and infidelity, both to scholarly standards and to one another, alter the landscape and lower expectations. Each in his way becomes the thing he once most despised. The magazine, to be named Common Pursuit, is the brainchild of Stuart Thorne. It will be dedicated solely to literary excellence, focused on poetry, and Stuart has recruited four other students to join him in the enterprise. To the suggestion that his criteria might be elitist, he responds "well, someone has to be elitist." The group he brings together is a cross-section of collegiate types. There is Humphry Taylor, a poet-philosopher who is the brightest of the lot and, at the outset, a closet gay; Nick Finchling, a chain-smoking, incipient alcoholic whose flamboyance is matched only by his egotism; Peter Whetworth, a sexoholic history major nicknamed Captain Marvel for his prowess between the sheets; Martin Musgrove, a moneyed and enthusiastic outsider whose essay on cats is rejected for the first issue; and Marigold Watson, Stuart's devoted girlfriend and a sort of cheerleader for the project. Lest anyone doubt Stuart's passion for poetry, we see him in the opening scene leap from Marigold's embrace - coitus quite literally interruptus - to recruit Cambridge's leading poet into contributing some verse to the fledgling magazine. Back in his rooms, the others argue over whether they are listening to Vivaldi or Bach and indulge in the old undergraduate pastime of denigrating the literary merits of their peers. Fast forward nine years and disillusion has already set in. The past two numbers of the magazine have failed to appear, the printers haven't been paid, and eviction notices on its office have been issued. On top of it all, Marigold is pregnant. Only the London Arts Council can save Common Pursuit from going under and Stuart learns he may not be the final arbiter on literary merit after all. One man's poetry may be another's doggerel and vice versa. If there is any fizz left in this bubbly and ultimately sad play, it has gone flat in the current revival. The exuberance of the opening scene is forced and any humor is mostly lost in the rushed delivery of some of the lines. The acerbity of the zingers with which the individual characters skewer their literary rivals - vitriol being a Gray trademark - is oddly diluted. And while there is a sense of sorrow over the treachery inflicted among these onetime friends, it is more gloomy than poignant. Gray, who died in 2008, made a career of writing plays set in academia, and was himself a university lecturer. Among his more frequently revived plays are Butley (1971) and Quartermaine's Terms (1981). The Common Pursuit was first produced in 1984, directed by Harold Pinter, and revised by Gray a few years later. The Roundabout revival, directed by Moises Kaufman, never quite finds either the passion with which the magazine is launched or the depth of disappointment at the duplicity that follows. Some of the roles are miscast. Kristen Bush is consistently convincing as Marigold. Josh Cooke and Jacob Fishel have their moments as Stuart and Martin, respectively, and Tim McGeever is stoic as Humphry.
ISTANBUL (AP) -- An Israeli who rescued a distressed climber on Mount Everest instead of pushing onward to the summit said Friday that the man he helped, an American of Turkish origin, is like a brother to him. Nadav Ben-Yehuda, who was climbing with a Sherpa guide, came across Aydin Irmak near the summit last weekend. In that chaotic period, four climbers died on their way down from the summit amid a traffic jam of more than 200 people who were rushing to reach the world's highest peak as the weather deteriorated. In a telephone interview with The Associated Press, Ben-Yehuda, 24, appeared proud that Irmak, 46, had made it to the summit, noting that he is one of a small number of "Turkish" climbers to reach the top. Irmak left Turkey for New York more than two decades ago, but remains proud of his Turkish heritage. The friendship stands in contrast to the political tension between Turkey and Israel, which were once firm allies. "Aydin, wake up! Wake up!" Ben-Yehuda recalled saying when he found his friend in the darkness. The American, he said, had been returning from the summit but collapsed in the extreme conditions, without an oxygen supply, a flashlight and a rucksack. Ben-Yehuda, who developed a friendship with Irmak before the climb, had delayed his own ascent by a day in hopes of avoiding the bottleneck of climbers heading for the top. There have been periodic tales of people bypassing stricken climbers as they seek to fulfill a lifelong dream and reach the summit of Everest, but Ben-Yehuda said his decision to abandon his goal of reaching the top and help Irmak was "automatic," even though it took him several minutes to recognize his pale, gaunt friend. "I just told myself, `This is crazy.' It just blew my mind," Ben-Yehuda said. "I didn't realize he was up there the whole time. Everybody thought he had already descended." The Israeli carried Irmak for hours to a camp at lower elevation. Both suffered frostbite and some of their fingers were at risk of amputation. Ben-Yehuda lost 20 kilograms (44 pounds) in his time on the mountain, and Irmak lost 12 kilograms (26 pounds), said Hanan Goder, Israel's ambassador in Nepal. Goder had dinner with the pair after their ordeal. "They really have to recover mentally and physically," Goder said. "They call each other, `my brother.' After the event that they had together, their souls are really linked together now." The ambassador said the rescue was a "humanitarian" tale that highlighted the friendship between Israelis and Turks at a personal level, despite the deteriorating relationship between their governments. One of the key events in that downward, diplomatic spiral was an Israeli raid in 2010 on a Turkish aid ship that was trying to break the Israeli blockade on Gaza, which resulted in the deaths of eight Turkish activists and a Turkish-American. The Jerusalem Post, which reported that Ben-Yehuda would have been the youngest Israeli to reach Everest's summit, spoke to Irmak by telephone during the dinner that Goder hosted. "I don't know what the hell is going on between the two countries," the newspaper quoted Irmak as saying. "I don't care about that. I talked to his (Ben-Yehuda's) family today and I told them you have another family in Turkey and America." Ben-Yehuda, who spoke to the AP just before leaving Nepal for urgent medical treatment in Israel, said he could not say with certainty how he would have reacted if he had come across a stricken climber he did not know. Oxygen is in such short supply and the conditions are so harsh, he said, that people on the mountain develop a kind of tunnel vision. "You just think about breathing, about walking, about climbing," he said. According to Ben-Yehuda, the fundamental questions going through the mind of a climber heading for the peak are: "Are you going to make it?" and "When is the right time to turn back?" And once a climber begins the descent, the all-embracing question becomes: "How fast can I go down?" Ben-Yehuda said his military training in Israel helped shape his reflexive dec
Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla Motors and SpaceX, has had his tough days; on Saturday, for example, an attempted launch of the company’s Falcon 9 rocket, the first commercially developed flight to attempt to connect with the International Space Station, never got off the ground; flight computers aborted it during the countdown. But today definitely was a good day for Musk. A really good day. Early this morning, SpaceX's Falcon 9 rocket carrying the unmanned Dragon capsule blasted off successfully; Dragon is due to rendezvous with the Space Station in a couple of days. A jubilant Musk tweeted “Falcon flew perfectly!! Dragon in orbit, comm locked, and solar arrays active!! Feels like a giant weight just came off my backJ” And good news came out of Tesla Motors today as well, good for the company, as well as for buyers of the company's second model, the Model S sedan. Tesla announced on its corporate blog that manufacturing for the Model S is a few weeks ahead of schedule and delivery to customers will begin June 22. This announcement followed late yesterday's tweet by Musk, “Major Tesla milestone: All crash testing is complete for 5* (max) safety rating. Cars can now be built for sale to the public!!” The company also announced that the car’s regenerative braking, which feeds energy back to the battery and slows the car down, will be adjustable (some people find the resistance from regenerative braking disturbing, and would be willing to sacrifice range to avoid it). Musk, interviewed yesterday by Spaceflight Now, an online publication, may be treated a bit like a tech pop star, but he still talks like the engineer that he is. Asked how he expected to feel today, he responded, “Either really happy or really sad. It's just one of those things that has a bimodal outcome.” Safe to say that today he’s feeling really happy. Above: Video of today’s Falcon 9 launch from Cape Canaveral. To hear Elon Musk talk about his career and his long term goal of making life multiplanetary, listen to my 2009 interview with Musk.
Former West Virginia football coach Bill Stewart, who was hailed as Rich Rodriguez's successor but wound up leaving the school in a messy split, died Monday of what athletic department officials said was an apparent heart attack. He was 59. Stewart's family notified the university and said Stewart had been out golfing with the longtime friend who hired him as head coach, former athletic director Ed Pastilong. West Virginia spokesman Michael Fragale said he had no further details, and Pastilong couldn't immediately be reached for comment. "Coach Stewart was a rock-solid West Virginian and a true Mountaineer," athletic director Oliver Luck said in a statement released by the university. "His enthusiasm and passion for his state's flagship university was infectious. We join all Mountaineers in mourning his passing." U.S. Sen. Joe Manchin, who was governor at the time Stewart became head coach, said Stewart was a longtime friend who "leaves behind a lifetime of memories and love for our state." "Bill was a proud West Virginian in every sense of the word," Manchin said, "and he was the best cheerleader this state ever had." The West Virginia Hospitality and Travel Association held its annual golf tournament Monday at Stonewall Jackson Resort in Roanoke. Ryan Crook of Beckley said he was playing in the tournament behind a group that included Stewart and Pastilong. Crook said he saw Stewart collapse on the 16th hole. Members of Crook's group drove their carts to Stewart's side, and ambulances were called, Crook said. Calls to the resort and to tournament organizers weren't immediately returned. Stewart went 28-12 in three seasons after taking over when Rodriguez left for Michigan after the 2007 regular season, but resigned last summer and was replaced by Dana Holgorsen the same night. In December 2007, Mountaineer fans unleashed their fury on Rodriguez for breaking his contract early and taking the Michigan job. He left the Mountaineers not long after a painful loss to rival Pittsburgh cost them a shot at the national championship and two weeks before the Fiesta Bowl game against Oklahoma, taking recruits and assistants with him. It was Stewart, a deeply religious family man, who stepped in and guided the team to a surprising 48-28 victory over the Sooners. In the euphoric aftermath, he was given the job full-time - to the surprise of many - but the Mountaineers didn't go to another BCS bowl under his leadership and Stewart couldn't match the production of Rodriguez. In Stewart's three seasons, West Virginia averaged at least 79 fewer yards per game than the 2007 team. In December 2010, Luck - then just months into his tenure - decided to hire Holgorsen as offensive coordinator and coach-in-waiting for the 2011 season. Holgorsen would run West Virginia's offense while Stewart would coach the team one final season before moving into an administrative job. Wins and losses weren't the only issue for the coaching change. Luck said season-ticket sales had declined in the year after Stewart became head coach. Luck said he'd modeled the transition after those done when Bret Bielema took over at Wisconsin and Chip Kelly assumed control at Oregon. Luck said he had no doubt it would be handled professionally, noting both coaches said they supported the idea. And Stewart was diplomatic about the hire, saying the team would let Holgorsen "implement ideas and schemes in preparation of getting the finest offensive staff we can compile." Six months later, the arrangement had fallen apart, and Stewart's departure became difficult. Both he and Holgorsen made unwanted headlines in the weeks leading up to the shake-up. An intoxicated Holgorsen was escorted out of a casino, then a former newspaper reporter said that Stewart had approached him shortly after Holgorsen's hiring to "dig up dirt" on his eventual successor. "At the time I thought it made a lot of sense, I thought it was good management practice," Luck said last June. "With hindsight, folks could certainly disagree." In Holgorsen's first season, the Mountaineers went 10-3, were Big East co-champions and beat Clemson 70-33 in the Orange Bowl. "The State of West Virginia, our University and our football program has lost a true Mountaineer who gave his native state university a decade of coaching service and a lifetime of guidance and inspiration to thousands of young men over a 33-year career," Holgorsen said Monday. "Though Coach Stewart achieved many great milestones on the field, we will most remember his kindness and compassion." Former West Virginia running back Steve Slaton, who entered the NFL draft after his junior season in 2007, said he was at a loss for words. "I am honored to have had him as a friend and coach," Slaton said. "I know every player that has had the opportunity to be around him would say the same." Stewart, a native of New Martinsville, attended Fairmont State and earned a master's degree in health and physical education from WVU in 1977. He had assistant coaching stints at seven colleges before becoming head coach at VMI in 1994, going 8-25 in three seasons. After a two-year stint in the Canadian Football League, Stewart was hired by Don Nehlen as an assistant at West Virginia. "Bill was such a great Mountaineer and a great addition to our staff," Nehlen said. "It was a terrific hire - he did a great job not only for me, but for Rich and as a head coach. Bill was such a great husband and a great father. Bill Stewart was a great Mountaineer." Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin got his first coaching job when Stewart hired him as an assistant at VMI, and Tomlin was elated when Stewart got the West Virginia job. "We are saddened by the passing of Coach Stew," Tomlin said in a statement released by the Steelers. "He was a great coach and a tremendous person. We not only lost a good football person, we lost an even better family man." Stewart and his wife, Karen, have one son, Blaine.
OKLAHOMA CITY — After chasing championships for so many years with the Los Angeles Lakers, Derek Fisher now finds himself standing squarely in their way. Fisher joined up with the Oklahoma City Thunder after getting traded away by the Lakers during the season, choosing to buy out of his own contract with the Houston Rockets and sign with a team he thought had a chance of winning the NBA title. 1 Comments Weigh InCorrections? Personal Post Fisher has already won five championship rings with the Lakers, but now his new team is a victory away from knocking Los Angeles out of the playoffs. The Thunder get their first chance in Game 5 Monday night in Oklahoma City. Fisher has had to put his personal friendship with Kobe Bryant on hold during the series. The two greeted each other the first time Fisher came off the bench and checked in during Game 1 but otherwise are adversaries as long as the Western Conference semifinals go on. “As much history as we have, there’s no holding back in terms of trying to advance to win the championship,” Fisher said. “Personal friends or brothers or however close you are to somebody, it’s about winning. He knows that better than anybody. “I learned that and accomplished that right alongside with him, and so we feel the same way.” Fisher played with Los Angeles for 12½ of his 16 NBA seasons, and the only other time he made the playoffs with another team was in 2007 with Utah. But the Jazz didn’t face the Lakers. Los Angeles sent Fisher away at the trade deadline in March, when they added a first-round draft pick, point guard Ramon Sessions and backup forward Jordan Hill to try and improve for the stretch run. The 37-year-old Fisher chose his age as his jersey number with the Thunder, trying to make a statement that he could still play. Statistically, Fisher has struggled in the series. He has averaged just over four points and one assist per game and his playing time has been cut back. Fisher’s plus-minus is the worst of any Oklahoma City player, with the Lakers outscoring the Thunder by 12 points while he’s on the court. Yet coach Scott Brooks believes there’s another way to measure the impact of Fisher, who has never put up big numbers — averaging 8.6 points and 3.1 assists — over his career. “He loves the game, he has passion for the game and he’s a winner,” Brooks said Sunday after Oklahoma City flew back home, landing after 5 a.m. because of thunderstorms. “I can never emphasize that enough: He’s a winner, and you can never have enough of those on your team. He has won before. He has won at a high level and many championships.” Before the series started, Fisher informed Oklahoma City of the Lakers’ tendencies. During games, he has regularly pulled aside teammates for a few words of guidance. One of L.A.’s locker room leaders is now working for the enemy. “Leadership, you can’t put a win total on it but you know the effect that it’s having on our guys,” Brooks said. “He talks, he communicates, he’s a great leader. He’s going to be a great leader in whatever profession he chooses after basketball.” Perhaps his biggest contribution yet that has counted in the box score was a 3-pointer that sparked the Thunder’s comeback from a 13-point, fourth-quarter deficit in Game 4. Oklahoma City was down 91-78 with 8 minutes left before Fisher hit only his second basket of the game. “It was huge. It cut it to 10. That’s just kind of like that magical number. It always seems to be in reach if you can get it to 10 or under,” Brooks said. “That shot was big.” Lakers coach Mike Brown said he thought at the time of the trade that his team might miss Fisher’s leadership, experience, toughness and intelligence. But he never envisioned Sessions, who is 11 years younger, simply replacing Fisher. “The roles are different,” Brown said. “Derek Fisher was our starter. Derek Fisher for these guys is a backup. I don’t think you compare the two situations because we were relying on him for a completely different role than what Oklahoma City is relying on him for. “I don’t know if anybody would disagree the combination of starting (All-Star Russell) Westbrook and Derek Fisher as a backup is a pretty good combination because you’re young plus you’re experienced.” Bryant poked fun at Fisher, calling him a “midget” after he was able to hit shots over him when they ended up matched up against each other briefly in the fourth quarter. Bryant says Fisher never beat him at one-on-one in nearly 13 years together with the Lakers. But team against team, Fisher may finally get some bragging rights on Bryant for they get back to being friends. “At some point, we’ll reconnect and be what we always will be,” Fisher said, “and that’s brothers.” Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
f the Tampa Bay Buccaneers wanted to stick it to Kellen Winslow Jr. for missing a week's worth of organized team activities, they certainly succeeded in doing so by trading him to the Seattle Seahawks. As former Seahawks and Buffalo Bills tight end Pete Metzelaars once said, "The tight end can go an entire season in Seattle and the only thing he'll catch is a cold." That's how it's always been with the Seahawks. Name one single noteworthy tight end in the history of the Seahawks. Go ahead. Give it a try. I was hard-pressed to come with any, and I've been a diehard fan of the blue and green since their inception in 1976. That's because no Seattle tight end has done anything of significance in a Seahawks uniform. Sure, NFL fans likely know of Metzelaars, but it's not for his three seasons in the Pacific Northwest. I remember Jerramy Stevens, but mostly because he dropped four passes in Super Bowl XL after running his mouth and getting Joey Porter and the Pittsburgh Steelers all riled up the week before the big game. Stevens made more headlines off the field with his arrests than he ever made on the field. Itula Mili and Christian Fauria were around for awhile, but neither of them did anything remarkable. After those two, I'm drawing a blank. Welcome to tight end hell, Kellen. The Buccaneers, meanwhile, are laughing all the way to the bank, having somehow secured a draft pick for a player that seemed destined to simply be released earlier in the day. I'm not even the least little bit optimistic that Winslow is going to amount to anything in Seattle. No tight end ever has, and not a thing has changed during the Pete Carroll era. In 2011, 36 other tight ends in the NFL had more receptions than the Seahawks' leader at that position. In 2010, 33 other tight ends had more receptions than Seattle's leader. The team will give fans some sort of song and dance about how Winslow is the pass-catching tight end that the team has been searching for, and he'll be the perfect complement to Zach Miller in the two tight end set that the Seahawks favor, and blah blah blah. I won't believe it until I see it because we heard the same tune in August when the 'Hawks signed Miller for some crazy deal that was for something like five years and $34 million, with $17 million guaranteed. After four productive years with the Oakland Raiders, Miller turned into an afterthought in Seattle: 25 receptions, 233 yards and no touchdowns. Not a terribly impressive return on investment there. It's not like any other tight end was taking receptions away from Miller. Anthony McCoy had 13 receptions for 146 yards and no touchdowns in nine games. Cameron Morrah only played in four games: 6 receptions, 74 yards, no touchdowns. John Carlson was lost for the year to injury before the season even began (and now he's with the Minnesota Vikings). Seattle is a run-first team. There's no question about it. Tight ends are used as blockers there, not as pass catchers. Surrendering a seventh round pick next year--one that may turn into a sixth rounder--isn't nearly as insane as what the Seahawks paid to get Miller, but I'm left wondering why they even bothered messing with Winslow. With his history of behavioral issues and the Seahawks' lack of a history of using tight ends to catch passes, this is a bomb just waiting to go off. The author grew up in Washington State and is a lifelong fan of the Seahawks. He's also a Featured Contributor in Sports with the Yahoo! Contributor Network. You can follow him on Twitter at @RedZoneWriting and on Facebook. Also by this Author: Tampa Bay Buccaneers to dump Kellen Winslow for Dallas Clark? Russell Wilson is not Drew Brees
On Sunday, OKC-based T-shirt company Warpaint Clothing tweeted a photo of a shirt design that immediately rattled Seattle basketball fans. On the front, there’s a blue logo reminiscent of the old Sonics insignia: a skyline silhouette inside a basketball. But it’s not the Seattle skyline, it’s the Oklahoma City skyline. Below the logo it says “OKC Thunder.” On the back of the shirt, it says, “Thank you Seattle — OKC.” Here is the shirt listed on Warpaint’s website. I would love to embed an image here of the shirt, but something about this Warpaint tweet is giving me second thoughts: KING 5 News @KING5Seattle 21 May 12 @warpaintrags What led you to come up with the t-shirt? warpaint clothing co@warpaintrags @KING5Seattle no comment and DO NOT USE OUR PICTURE OF THE SHIRT . 21 May 12 ReplyRetweetFavorite Warpaint wrote that tweet to KING-5 TV during a massive onslaught of responses — some positive, but mostly negative — after the company first tweeted the design. The controversy was sparked, it seems, by New York Times reporter Howard Beck when he tweeted about seeing the shirts on Sunday. “That shirt has really stirred up some s**t,” Warpaint eventually tweeted Monday. “Got hate mail from sonics nation. Hahahahahaha.” warpaint clothing co@warpaintrags So much hate in the world. No disrespect meant. We appreciate where our team came from actually. Put your energy into something positive. 21 May 12 ReplyRetweetFavorite Clearly, the tension is a bit high in Seattle as the Thunder roll through the NBA Playoffs. On Monday, OKC surged past Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers 106-90 to advance to the Western Conference finals for the second year in a row. Even as Seattle works to nail down a new sports arena and NBA team, local basketball fans are obviously still very bitter. If you have a little time, reading through some of the conversations on Twitter is fairly entertaining. It seems that, at some point, Warpaint took the T-shirts offline after receiving a lot of threats. But by Tuesday morning, the shirts were back online and available to buy for $32. Matching tank tops also are available for $32. Warpaint is not affiliated with the Thunder NBA team.
Bar Refaeli, supermodel, occasional actress and former girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio, has topped Maxim magazine’s annual “Hot 100” list. For the first year, readers determined what the magazine calls “the definitive list of the world's most beautiful women” by voting. Maxim readers gave spots to Jennifer Lawrence (14), Rihanna (32) and “Downton Abbey’s” Michelle Dockery (70), as well as to “Glee’s” Lea Michele (14) and Naya Rivera (27.) After “a massive write-in vote campaign,” Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert became the first man to secure a spot on the list, landing at No. 69. Last year’s top spot holder Rosie Huntington-Whiteley fell to No. 11 this year. In the past, the list has been criticized for its lack of diversity. Russell Simmons’s Web site Global Grind today declared that, although the magazine “nailed the top spot,” “the complete set lacks women of color.” Indeed, this year the most diversity in the top 20 seems to be be brunettes over the usual blondes. See Maxim’s full list here.
Overwhelming the Internet like the reek of Sex Panther cologne, fans got a chance to see an "Anchorman 2" teaser trailer that's significantly different than the one that ran over the weekend in front of "The Dictator." Like the clip that ran in movie theaters, the teaser trailer that debuted on Will Ferrell's Funny or Die site starts with the four members of Channel Four's News Team silhouetted by a bank of stage lighting. Ferrell, who returns as the titular mustached newsman in the sequel to "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy", and his sidekicks Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and David Koechner then go completely off a different script — or possibly off script entirely. "In the age when the dinosaurs' roar greeted the dawn and apes rode the winged horse across the valley of Eli, there was a lone stranger who offered comfort, wisdom and overly sexual neck massages," the clip begins in voice-over as the four members of Channel Four's crack news team walk forward. "It was said he would one day return. That day has come." Considering the movie isn't scheduled to start filming until February for a release later in 2013, there's absolutely nothing substantial revealed about plot, scenes or meaningful dialogue. Koechner's Champ Kind though does promise, "There's going to submachine guns and boobies." "In this movie, we play witches," adds Carell's Brick Tamland. That, however, seems dubious. For fans of the 2004 original,which earned $85.3 million at the box office, but stayed classy as a cult hit on DVD — it was good just seeing the team back together. "It's time to do it again, but this time, I'm on top," says Ferrell's Burgundy.
eneral manager John Mozeliak said Monday that Berkman will be sidelined at least six to eight weeks with significant cartilage damage on both sides of the knee, but an MRI did not appear to show ligament damage. Because he was hurt making a routine play, Berkman suspects a ligament injury that would require more significant surgery and end his season -- and perhaps his career. Berkman will undergo an arthroscopic procedure later this week in Vail, Colo. "At a minimum, it's a scope to repair it," Mozeliak said. "We're hopeful, we're optimistic that's what it is. But we'll need a few days before we determine anything. Certainly, he knows there are uncertain times ahead of him." Berkman spoke with reporters after crossing the clubhouse on crutches. "We can all agree you shouldn't get hurt just stretching for a ball at first base," he said. "Fearful is the wrong word, but I'm certainly concerned -- not just what the injury is but why did it happen? "It's pretty simple: Best-case scenario, it's probably after the All-Star break, worst-case scenario is I'm done for the year." Berkman was placed on the 15-day disabled list Sunday. The NL comeback player of the year in 2011 realizes he may have to make another comeback, or call it a career. "You certainly think, if I have to get my ACL repaired, I might be done playing," he said. "And the doctor kind of said that. He's like, 'Well, you're not a young man anymore.' "You just don't know where you're going to be mentally. Am I willing to make the commitment? Those are questions I'm trying not to speculate on too much." Even if the ligament is not torn, Berkman believes there's damage given he felt a sliding sensation when he was injured. "They could see it on the MRI -- it's not gone. But its effectiveness is debatable considering the way I got hurt. They're not going to know about that until I go under the knife," he said. Berkman said he had the sensation of the joint slipping during the playoffs last season but had no pain. "It never was to the point where I felt, oh man, I'm about to blow out here," Berkman said. "It was just a weird little sensation that you could play with and it wasn't a problem." The fact that the ligament appears to be intact, Berkman said, does give a "glimmer of hope." Berkman has played just 13 games this season, also missing significant time with a pulled left calf muscle. He said he's had torn cartilage in the knee since spring training but it wasn't enough to affect his play. He was batting .333 with a home run and four RBIs. Last season, Berkman hit .301 with 31 homers and 94 RBIs in 145 games to help the Cardinals win the World Series. He had a .412 on-base percentage and a .547 slugging percentage, both of which ranked among the NL leaders. His injury is a major blow to the middle of the lineup for the slumping Cardinals, who had dropped four straight and eight of 10. St. Louis also lost longtime slugger Albert Pujols in the offseason when he signed a $240 million, 10-year contract with the Los Angeles Angels. Still, the Cardinals began the day with a half-game lead in the NL Central. Rookie Matt Adams, the franchise's minor league player of the year in 2011, and Matt Carpenter will see time at first base for now and utility man Allen Craig could also man that position when he returns from a hamstring injury sustained last week that landed him on the disabled list. Adams, recalled from Triple-A Memphis when Berkman was hurt, started for the second straight game Monday after getting two hits in his major league debut. Carpenter was batting .280 with three homers and 19 RBIs in 37 games. "We'll be feeling our way through it. We brought Matt Adams here to play, so we'll get a good look at him," manager Mike Matheny said. Copyright 2012 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
The film is set to be released in October. When reached by TheWrap, a spokeswoman for Cruise had no immediate comment. A spokesman for the Church of Scientology told TheWrap they had not seen the film and could not comment on it. The Church of Scientology, which vigorously defends itself from outside critics, has many followers among Hollywood stars, including actor John Travolta. One of the individuals close to the movie told TheWrap that the Weinstein Company also intended to show the film to Travolta. The movie has not yet been screened, so its full plot and tone is not yet known. Weinstein released the trailer from the Cannes Film Festival on Monday. The church, long criticized for some of its practices, was the subject of an investigative article in the New Yorker last year that accused some leaders of physically abusing adolescent members and beating adults. The article included interviews with director Paul Haggis, a former Scientologist who has come out as one of the religion's fiercest critics. Anderson, who is still completing the film starring Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman, wrote and directed the story about a charismatic leader Lancaster Dodd (Hoffman) – referred to as The Master – who creates a cult-like movement called The Cause. The similarities to Hubbard include the post-World War II time frame and Dodd’s taking a trip on a boat during which he arrives at a new philosophy and creates a faith-based movement. Phoenix plays a troubled drifter seeking a path who becomes Dodd’s right-hand man. Both the director and movie distributor, the Weinstein Company, are debating how to approach the similarities with Scientology – whether to acknowledge them openly or keep the matter at arm's length. The reaction of the group’s most prominent members will likely be a part of that decision. The $42 million budget film was fully financed by producer Megan Ellison, daughter of Silicon Valley billionaire Larry Ellison, who took on the project after she learned that Anderson could not get financing anywhere.
he video and quotes, courtesy of CBS Sports' Eye on Basketball blog, are going to be interesting to Lakers fans, considering there have been numerous reports over the years that Bynum is all but untradeable -- showing a loyalty that might not go both ways. Bynum decided to give a more PR-friendly answer to Sager's next question, however, being a bit more definitive. "I definitely want to stay," he said. "You kind of asked an open-ended question. Obviously things are going to be different come next year. I'm going to be ready." It will be interesting to see what happens this offseason as Bynum's $16.1 team option might not look all that appeasing when considering Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol are already being paid nearly $47 million for the 2012-13 season. For more on the Lakers, head over to Silver Screen And Roll and SB Nation Los Angeles. For more on the Thunder, head over to Welcome To Loud City.
CNN) -- Eight people were shot Monday night just blocks from the Chesapeake Energy Arena as large crowds were leaving the playoff game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Oklahoma City Thunder, police said. Authorities were trying to determine what led to the shootings that occurred at about 11:35 p.m., said Capt. Dexter Nelson of the Oklahoma City Police Department. Of the victims, one was in critical condition and seven suffered non-life-threatening injuries, Nelson said. Also, a woman was injured when she was punched and kicked in the crowded streets, authorities said. Thousands of people were in the area because the Thunder beat the Lakers 106-90 to advance to the Western Conference finals. "Whenever you get about 8,000 people outside of a venue, we are going to be outnumbered," Nelson told CNN affiliate KOCO. "You can't have enough people down here for that." Several people had been questioned about the shootings, but no arrests had been made Monday night, Nelson said.
The film is set to be released in October. When reached by TheWrap, a spokeswoman for Cruise had no immediate comment. A spokesman for the Church of Scientology told TheWrap they had not seen the film and could not comment on it. The Church of Scientology, which vigorously defends itself from outside critics, has many followers among Hollywood stars, including actor John Travolta. One of the individuals close to the movie told TheWrap that the Weinstein Company also intended to show the film to Travolta. The movie has not yet been screened, so its full plot and tone is not yet known. Weinstein released the trailer from the Cannes Film Festival on Monday. The church, long criticized for some of its practices, was the subject of an investigative article in the New Yorker last year that accused some leaders of physically abusing adolescent members and beating adults. The article included interviews with director Paul Haggis, a former Scientologist who has come out as one of the religion's fiercest critics. Anderson, who is still completing the film starring Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman, wrote and directed the story about a charismatic leader Lancaster Dodd (Hoffman) – referred to as The Master – who creates a cult-like movement called The Cause. The similarities to Hubbard include the post-World War II time frame and Dodd’s taking a trip on a boat during which he arrives at a new philosophy and creates a faith-based movement. Phoenix plays a troubled drifter seeking a path who becomes Dodd’s right-hand man. Both the director and movie distributor, the Weinstein Company, are debating how to approach the similarities with Scientology – whether to acknowledge them openly or keep the matter at arm's length. The reaction of the group’s most prominent members will likely be a part of that decision. The $42 million budget film was fully financed by producer Megan Ellison, daughter of Silicon Valley billionaire Larry Ellison, who took on the project after she learned that Anderson could not get financing anywhere.
atasha: In the words of contestant Doug, "The Bachelorette" just got real this week. In addition to the continued development of male egos, the week two also brought us two one-on-one dates, a group date and The Muppets. Greg: We also got a new catchphrase, courtesy of Doug, as he put trust-fund baby Kalon, a.k.a. Helicopter Guy in his place: "Just check it, bro." I plan to use this in everyday conversation as much as possible. Natasha: Who are you? Ice Cube? Before you "wreck yourself," let's talk about week two. THE COOKIE TEST Greg: Here's a summary of Emily's one-on-one date with Ryan: 1) Unload groceries. 2) Bake cookies in an apron. 3) Suffocate in a parked car while Little Ricki plays soccer. Natasha: Ryan thought he was going on a hot air balloon ride or in a plane, but no ...they went to her house to see if he could HANDLE HER LIFE AS A "SNACK MOM." Could you imagine, having to "run all my errands with me," to quote Emily? Greg: This date was my nightmare. It was more emasculating than having to switch over to "The Bachelorette" during an NBA playoff game (Go OKC!). "The cookie test," as Emily called it = worst test ever. Natasha: Ryan seemed okay with it, and I quote: "I feel like today we've definitely connected ... It's not just in your head, it's all out here in my head too and around us." Greg: Whoa there, Jack Handy. Either he's on a higher level of consciousness, or he has seven brain cells. Natasha: Emily rewarded Ryan's efforts by picking him up for dinner in an Aston Martin and letting him drive. Greg: Best part of the date. Natasha: And then they got to the deep stuff. Emily was worried about Ryan looking at the show as a game, and at her as the prize. Greg: Emily's biggest fear about relationships is that men play games... so she goes on a competition-based reality show to find true love? Also, Ryan, just so you know, there is a prize: Getting to carry her groceries when this is over. EVERYONE FEELS THE RAINBOW CONNECTION Greg: On the group date, the guys put on a show -- I use that term loosely -- for Emily's charity, with "The Muppets." If I paid to attend a charity event presented by these no-talent ass clowns, I would ask for my money back. Where is the bungee jumping? The helicopter rides? Natasha: Two wonderful things came out of this segment: First, the revelation that Miss Piggy would be an excellent Bachelorette. The second was Chris Harrison filling in for one of the grumpy Muppets. Classic. Greg: Stevie (the Party MC) was psyched. At one point, he exclaimed, "I can't believe I am actually dancing with a Muppet!" Now you know how your prom date felt. Natasha: Charlie showed his vulnerable side by opening up to Emily about his accident and his (very logical) fear of having to do impromptu stand-up comedy. I thought he was getting the date rose. But, no, Emily misguidedly gave it to Jef after he ignored her all day. Greg: Jef seemed SHOCKED that he got the rose. He knows that he is out of her league. Natasha: I think he's playing the mysterious angle. I don't get why Emily makes awkward comments like, "I feel like your annoying younger sister." Greg: When he said "This is probably the best talk anybody has had with her yet" was he referring to the super awkward conversation they had about being super awkward? Natasha: Yes. And thus began what seemed like this episode's refrain: "We just had the best connection ever." Emily should just pick Kermit. Greg: He was the funniest guy of the episode. Natasha: And he nearly got the first real kiss of the season. That says something. NICE GUYS FINISH (SIXTH TO) LAST Natasha: Unlike Ryan, Joe got to go in a private plane for his date. Emily took him to West Virginia to what looked like the East-Coast-rich-people equivalent of Disneyland. Emily said pretty early in the date that something was missing. More dooming phrases followed: "Joe is such a sweet guy," (which she must have said about 500,000 times), and "Joe makes me feel really comfortable." Then, she asked him where he sees himself in five years. Greg: Joe: "I want to be happy." Emily: "What does that mean?" Joe explained that he would go anywhere she wanted him to. Emily is disappointed that Joe is actually nice and into her. Natasha: She just tried to find everything wrong with this answer. Then, she started crying and said that she didn't see how he could fit into her life. Goodbye, Joe. Greg: THIS is why she ended up with Brad last season. Natasha: Ah ha! So you were paying attention! THE STRATEGIES EMERGE Natasha: The cocktail hour showcased Ryan and Kalon working two very different angles to win Emily's heart. First, Ryan had a very special present for Emily -- a seven-page love letter. Greg: When you give a girl a love letter, you shouldn't creepily present it like, "I made something for you. Are you excited!? It's like Christmas!" Natasha: What made this whole thing weirder, and I didn't know that you get weirder than giving a girl a pages-long note and making her read it to you out loud, was the fact that Tony walked in right as Ryan gave Emily this "present." He didn't want to be rude and interrupt, so he just stood there and watched. Greg: Tony made a good segue after he finally got time with Emily, saying, "I told him to write all of that." But then derailed and just started talking about his love for "The Muppets." Natasha: He thought that he and Emily had a rainbow connection. Which I think was better than Kalon's lack of connection. He tried to woo Emily by saying that he "can't relate" to girls his age. Which is code for "I'm a pretentious douchebag." Greg: Kalon, here is some free advice: If you want to get a girl to like you, don't say you are like an old man trapped in a young man's body. Twenty-six-year-old women don't want to think of old men... or their bodies. EVERYTHING'S COMING UP ROSES -- BUT ONLY FOR 16 OF YOU Natasha: In the end, the following men got roses: Kalon, Arie, Michael (who Emily didn't talk to once), Nate, Sean, Chris, Doug, Travis (he's still here?), Tony, John, Alessandro, Charlie, Alejandro and Stevie (yes, the Party MC made the cut). Greg: Aaron got cut but he nailed his exit interview Kevin Durant-style with some post-NBA-game nerd glasses. Natasha: And then there was some other guy, Kyle, I think. Greg: Who? Get pumped for next week's episode, which will apparently include creepy circus rides, Dolly Parton, extreme sports, some terrible country band, and rope climbing. Natasha: Looks like Tony is the first guy to cry on camera and Emily smashes an egg. Could it be that of a -- gasp! -- ostrich? Cue ominous lighting sound effects and close-up shots of stock-photo roses! Natasha and Greg will be documenting all of "The Bachelorette" romance, drama and inevitable awkward moments, so check back every Tuesday for their recaps. Below, they've put together some of the best quotes from the latest episode. Vote for the one that you think is the most ridiculous. Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
